Femi Uncensored

I'm sick. . . I'm sick, sick of hearing or reading arguments on how our leaders have failed us. How those whom we 'chose' have turned their backs on us and our collective interests. How the custodians of our treasure trove have gorged themselves silly with the national cake. Mad messiahs that manifest every now and then, seeking to give us bread crumbs in exchange for our dreams. I’m sick, sick of how we have taken a passive stance to the affairs of our nation. How we have turned dumb, spineless sheep to the shenanigans of our leadership. We have allowed religious and ethnocentric sentiments distract and derail national progress. I’m sick, sick of propagators of gender equality . They claim their movement is aimed at “defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for both men and women”, yet they seek preferential treatment. Napoleons in human skins that want to be more equal than others. I’m sick, sick of pe...

*** This article was first published on The Naked Convos. Note: This piece was not written with a certain category of people in mind. The category of people that are NOT ready for serious relationship – you still want to hoe around for a while before getting committed? Why not? Let’s get down to business. First, have in mind that a relationship is a 50/50 affair. You have 50% stake and your partner has 50% stake. So before you start setting parameters – work on your 50%. What I mean is; before you start defining what type of relationship (or partner) you want, work on yourself.

A few weeks ago, I was trying to give the government a piece of my mind in writing as regard the deplorable state of the nation. After I had written over 700 words of fine rhetoric, it occurred to me that I was unwittingly treading the well trodden path which most political thinkers, writers, bus stop parliamentarians, and most Nigerians tread every day. 

For sometime now my Twitter timeline has been awash with the “Cooking debate”. Whether you like it or not, cooking in marriage is a big deal. Big enough to wreck the marriage. Questions like – whose responsibility is it to cook in a home? Or should a woman neglect duties such as cooking or caretaking for the husband (or maid)? – are inspired by feminism backed by a little foolishness.

Something odd happened to me recently. I had a discussion with a man, whom I courteously refer to as egbon (Yoruba word for elder brother). You see, egbon is a smart and jovial man in his mid-thirties. But regrettably, he has no formal education. Hence, he is unable to speak, read and write the English language. However, he is very keen on being an English literate, so he enrolled himself in an Adult Education programme. During the course of our discussion (which was in Yoruba) about his challenges with English, he asked me an unexpected question.

The management of GTBank Unilag branch has decided to start billing lovers and selfie-takers for the use and abuse of its aesthetic facilities. This was after the bank noticed that majority of the people who throng to the bank do not actually engage in any business transaction with the bank, but rather engage in frivolous activities such as posing for selfies or group pictures or cuddling, kissing etc.

I'm tired of telling y'all that the H.V.S.M series ain't a real post. It's been two weeks since my last post - I've been kinda ill. Benue Housewives   ;) I've been trying to expand my already large social circle but rather than let in any T.D.H I'm only gonna allow guys that are from Benue state... Whenever I meet some new guy, the first thing I ask him is, "Where are you from?" If he says, "Benue". I'm like, "We should be friends... good friends". :D + I've been trying to convince my female friends to marry guys from Benue. You're probably starting to wonder what's so special about guys from Benue, shey? Well sometime ago, I overheard some women discussing, they were saying something about how Benue people are soooo hospitable; by that I mean whenever a (male) guest visits, they would offer their housewife as "Kola" to the guest :D But the odd thing is that; in the wake of feminism an...

NOTE : [This is not a real post] During the weekend, while some of y'all were on a date with your sweethearts, I was alone in my father's house under the ministration of the spirits... McDowells to be precise. On Gay/Lesbian The first time I heard the media talk about homosexuals, I was like "Naah... that's a white man's problem, we are Africans (Nigerians esp.) are too culturally refined to exchange to exchange pussy for a Nigga's arse! In fact our ancestors loved pussy so much they had to marry many wives... I see myself as a neo-polygamist. But then shit got real! Gay Niggas all over the place! *sighs* Now... Lesbians! :D Err.. We all know girls are such cute emotional creatures, they love to talk, cuddle and be touched. So it's excusable when they do all that with each other. From my McDowells-inspired perspective; I don't think lesbians sex is bad. TF am I saying? That shii turns me on! But the only thing that saddens me is when two...

"I love you" is more than a statement, it is even more than mere feeling... Most times, a relationship can be likened to something that you want so bad but which you have to work for. I want better grades, so I've got to study hard. You want to keep fit or shed some weight, you've got to exercise and maintain a healthy diet. You don't just sit in a corner and wish yourself into certain things. Now, a relationship is just like that, you don't just say "I love you" and expect everything to turn out just fine. Naaah...

Note: This is not a real post. What you're about to read is some random shii that came to my mind after 3 cans of Orijin and one ref. On Twitter So shii got me in that 7th realm, thinking out loud. I was like, can we go back to the good ol' days when the only thing we argued about on Twitter was "Wiz Kid vs Davido" or my favorite, "Boobs or Ass" (I'm #TeamAss) :D Good ol' days when twitfight was the shit and tweeps were dropping nudes on tha TL like mixtape. Days when I had to forsake Facebook when Dad sent me a friend request and Twitter was my only solace... But what do we have now? PUBLICISTS, PROMOTERS & HASHTAG TRENDERS! Everyone's into PR n shii, even those with less than 1k followers. Can't see a tweet without some stup!d hashtag! Err...buh then guys must chop sha! On Unilag Girls and Roads Have you ever seen a UNILAG girl cross the road before? Think about that while I open another can of chilled Orijin *sips* Eh...

I've never had an interest in Kim Kardashian's life or personality, well not until sometime in 2013 I discovered she was dating one of my favourite rapper, Kanye West. At first, I had my doubts about the affair but at every point where I expected the relationship to go downhill and turn amber (o_Oops... No pun intended), it became stronger. The devotion and attention Kanye showers on Kim got me wondering if there are two Kanyes; the Mr. Huge ego no-fucks-given Kanye that we (think) we know and this perfect gentleman doting husband cum father that suddenly sprung up from nowhere. Now, the morale of this KimYe love tale is this; treat your girl right. There are quite a number of guys out there in expensive jeans and costly gold chains but with cheaply inflated egos, who mistreat their girlfriends. No one's asking you to rent out an entire stadium to propose like Kanye, she don't NEED that. What she needs is your attention and devotion; don't go...

At some point in your relationship, you must have been like "Where would this lead to?", "What are we going to be in about 6 months or 1 year from now?" Questions such as the aforementioned are essential in building and keeping your relationship. Relationship goals are necessary to keep you love affair alive and successful. Most times, it takes more than money, good looks and a great body to keep your relationship alive.                  This is an opinionated piece on some things to consider when drafting a relationship goal. Expectation Creates Room For Disappointment. You go into a new relationship expecting certain things. Mostly, they are things you enjoyed or missed in your previous relationship. These things takes various forms; constant communication, quality sex, financial security, attention amongst others. Unconsciously, you're always on the lookout for these things, whi...